My Lover's Gone
by scarlet-oneil
Summary: Sam has to face the up to the truth and accept Jack's death


**Title- **My Lover's Gone   
**Author-** Cadet PJ   
**E-Mail-** **   
****Parings-** S/J

**Season-** All seasons :) Aren't I nice!!

**Category-** Angst People... Die Hard Angst. Bit Of Romance too.. but angst all the way :)

**Series/Sequel-** None...

**Rating-** Suitable for 13 years and older... I think so anyway

**Content Warning-** Mild Language and use of swear words so be warned!!!   
**Spoilers-** None Sadly**   
****Disclaimer-** I own nothing... DONT SUE ME!!! I just right things that are wrong in the series... yada yada. Oh and the song isn't mine too... wish it was but its not. Oh well... **   
****Authors note:** My second fiction. Heehee... Yeah I had a lot of persuasion to write this one. But one big message to one of my keen reader **SORRY RHONDA BUT I JUST HAD TO WRITE THIS ANGSTY ONE. BUT I'LL TRY AND MAKE A HAPPY ONE I PROMISE!!! **Lol, ok that's sorted then. Onto the fiction me hearty!!! And a Great big thanks and hugs and lots of jaffa cakes to my dear Secretart2003 coz she has been the most wonderful beta ever (very quick one too)

It was a miserable morning. Rain was pouring outside her house while all she could do was to stare out her window.

Usually she loved the rain. She loved watching the little droplets trickle down her window so she could run her fingers through the glass, making an imaginary path that only she knew where it led.

But not today... for the path only lead her to one grim, dark and yet a calm and serene place. Somewhere she could let herself go and for once in her life be honest with herself.

She would never have imagined she would end up here. Hell she didn't believe it let alone imagine it. For the first time in her life it sank in her heart, Jack O'Neill was dead. She could have kicked herself once for even thinking about it but where was it written life was fair???

**Flasback**

_"Carter get your ass down here now!!!" Jack screamed at the top of his lungs trying to get Sam's attention from where she was trying to deactivate the bomb that was about to blow up another one of Anubis's mothership._

_"Another minute Sir... I've nearly done it I know I have"_

_"Carter we don't have time!! Either we get out of here or we end up blown up into a million pieces and I don't have the intention to leave this reality until I have kicked that snake head's butt to the end of another galaxy." He shouted, shooting the last Jaffa standing behind a crate. "Now would be a good time to get out of here Carter!!!!"_

_Jack tried to drag Sam back when suddenly a Jaffa came bursting from his hiding place and shot Jack in the back with his staff weapon._

_Jack, shocked by the action, looked down and saw blood and burnt skin and slowly started to fall down to his knees... dropping onto the floor like a heavy weight._

_"JACK!! NOOOOO!!!!!!" Sam cried out after seeing him fall as if time slowed down into a slow motion movie projector. She could smell the burnt skin and tried to hide the feeling of nausea that suddenly hit her._

_"You bastard!!" She shot the Jaffa with all her anger and zatted him until he disappeared into oblivion. She ran to Jack trying to keep him awake._

_"Jack don't you dare leave me!! I'll kick your ass from one end of the galaxy to the other if you leave me here alone!! I swear to god I will do it"_

_"Don't think so Carter. I'll report it as insubordination to your commanding officer" Jack said while coughing up blood which made speech almost impossible. Even years of training told him that the Jaffa had damaged his lungs and he knew he wouldn't last long._

_"I'm so tired Carter. Tired of this life... I need to rest. At least this time I don't have to worry about the regulations that the air force can imply on me" he coughed out and put his trademark Jack O'Neill grin._

_"Damn it Jack. Screw the regulations. You're hurt and I need to get you out of here soon!" holding Jack close to her as if she was afraid that he'd disappear completely if she let him go._

_"Carter... Sam... You know as well as I do that I wont last the journey. Just go back to SGC. There isn't much time. Please for me... go back and leave me here."_

_"No Jack I wont! Remember no one gets left behind! Please jack... hold on..."_

_"Sam... I'm sorry. Promise me you will leave and be safe. I wont be able to rest until I know that you are safe and sound. Please go... there's nothing anyone can do now."_

_Sam was trying to fight her tears but no matter how hard she tried she knew she wouldn't be able to stop them now._

_"I love you" was all he could manage to say before everything started to go blurry and jack's word slowly disappeared into darkness._

_Tiredness finally overtook and slowly he slipped out of Sam's arms._

_"No... Jack!!! NOOOOOOO" Sam cried out as she cradled Jack close to her, rocking back and forth "I love you too, Jack. I love you too"_

**End Flashback**

After that everything was one big blur. Teal'c, Daniel and SG9 were able to locate her and take her back to the base. The bomb went off as soon as they arrived into SGC.

The debriefing was short and quick and she was glad that Hammond had ordered SG1 on downtime for 2 weeks. Then all she could remember was crying for what felt like hours in the ladies locker room, kicking herself for not bringing him back

But today was different. It was leading up to one of the biggest tests in her life; Jack's funeral. In exactly twenty-four hours he was going to be buried next to Charlie, as he had always wanted

She didn't realise that the radio was still on until it caught her attention, as music slowly filled the room

**My lover's gone **

**His boots no longer by my door **

**He left at dawn**

**And as I slept I felt him go**

**Returns no more**

**I will not watch the ocean**

**My lover's gone**

**No earthly ships will ever bring **

**Him home again**

**Bring him home again**

**My lover's gone**

**I know that kiss will be my last**

**No more his song**

**The tune upon his lips has passed**

**I sing along**

**While I watch the ocean**

**My lover's gone**

**No earthly ships will bring**

**Him home again**

**Bring him home again**

**My lover's gone **

**His boots no longer by my door **

**He left at dawn**

**And as I slept I felt him go**

**Returns no more**

**I will not watch the ocean**

**My lover's gone**

**No earthly ships will ever bring **

**Him home again**

**Bring him home again**

As the song ended, tears began to stream down her eyes. For all it was worth, she knew that she had lost the one man that was going to change her life forever. The fights, the silly arguments, the love and just the fact that there was still hope for a tomorrow... and for them

She knew she had to move on, to get a new life. But for now, she wanted cry, feel the pain and hurt that surrounded her. Slowly exhaustion over took her tired body and she drifted into the darkness to dream of the man she knew she could have had a life with.

**The End**


End file.
